only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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