I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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