I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
