Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
