Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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