Your dad touched me again.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
