life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Say something about gay babies.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
