This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
