And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
