i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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