Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
