Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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