it's too hot outside to masturbate.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She told me I should be a condom model.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He has the fingertips of a God
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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