Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
