You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
