do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
