ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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