hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
