was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize