matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
