Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
