Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
