I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Semen is not good for contacts.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
