No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
