I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
