just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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