You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
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