Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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