Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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