Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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