we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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