It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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