The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
