i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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