so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
