why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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