Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
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I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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