I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
