Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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