Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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