i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
