Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
