new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
