Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Less talking, more tequila
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
