I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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