My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
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i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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