He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
