Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
