can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
