That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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