beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
