Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
