So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
