I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
