DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
