Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
