the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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