He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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