I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
